Specifications for ACME Klein Bottles

Seven Klein Bottles in a Row!

Style

Klein Stein

Top Mouth Erlen

Question Mark

Erlenmeyer

Big Classic

Medium Classic

Baby Classic

Hat / Moebius Scarf

Height

130 mm (5")

160 mm (6.5")

175 mm (7")

240 mm (9.5")

190 mm (7")

140 mm (5.5")

100 mm (4.5")

280 mm (11") +/-

Diameter

90 mm (3.5")

95 mm (4")

100 mm (4")

95 mm (4")

95 mm (3.75")

67 mm (2.7")

60 mm (2.5")

190 mm (7.5") +/-

Material

Glass

Glass

Glass

Glass

Glass

Glass

Glass

85%Wool, 15% Mohair

Mass

400 gm (14 oz)

225gm (8 oz)

200 gm (7 oz)

250gm (9 oz)

200gm (7 oz)

130gm (4.5oz)

50gm (2 oz)

145 gm (5.2 oz)

Displacement

825 ml (29 fl oz)

750ml (26 fl oz)

550 ml (18 fl oz)

800ml (28 fl oz)

650ml (23 fl oz)

300ml (10 fl oz)

200ml (8 fl oz)

hard to say.

Volume

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

0.0ml (0 fl oz)

Available

in stock

in stock

in stock

in stock

in stock

in stock

in stock

in stock

Price USD$

$80

$56

$60

$55

$57

$46

$35

$40

 

Photos not to scale

Klein Stein - for drinking one sided beverages

a question mark Klein Bottle

(last updated March 24, 2014 )

please order from the hats page.

No two Acme Klein Bottles are alike! Since Acme glassblowers individually hand craft each one, dimensions will vary and you may find occasional bubbles or streaks in the glass. These prove that your Acme Klein Bottle was made by real, 3-dimensional humans, adding to its unique status in a world of identical, machine made commodities.

CAUTION! Acme Klein Bottles are crafted from glass, an inorganic solid in an amorphous non-crystalline state. If dropped, an Acme Klein Bottle may shatter, possibly into paired single-sided Möbius loops. But then again, it may not. Other shocks -- including fast decelerations and Republican landslides -- may lead to similar fragmentation. Hand wash only, do not tumble dry.

During earthquakes, your Acme Klein Bottle may jump off the table, in a mistaken attempt to reconnect with the 4th dimension. So just before major tremors, apply a dab of quake-putty to hold down your manifold during the Big One.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR IDIOTS: Non-metric topological manifolds may be considered ideal elastic objects, able to be bent, stretched, twisted, or deformed as long as nearby points in one space correspond to nearby points in the transformed version. However, Acme's Borosilicate Klein Bottles are physical instantiations of such mathematical concepts. As such, they should not be subject to transformations which substantially increase the material's internal stress tensors. Specifically, please recognize that dihydrogen monoxide has a coefficent of expansion which is negatively correlated with temperature near its freezing point, and thus expands when changing from liquid to solid. This increase in volume can cause stresses within a containing vessel. Borosilicate glass -- such as that which Acme uses to manufacture its fine Klein Bottles -- has a finite capacity to absorb these stresses and retain a linear stress-strain relationship. When a certain stress is exceeded, the intermolecular silicate bonds will delaminate, resulting in stress-induced fractures. In other words, FREEZING WATER EXPANDS AND WILL SHATTER YOUR KLEIN BOTTLE. If you fill your Klein Bottle with water and then put it in your freezer, tomorrow morning your housemate will discover shards of glass in her rasberry popsicle. If still in doubt, please read the suggestion "For best results", mentioned 3 paragraphs below.

WARNING! Acme constructs each Klein Bottle from genuine Baryonic matter. Do not allow your Acme Klein Bottle to come in contact with antimatter or unpredictable results may occur. Acme cannot guarantee the dimensionality of the result.

Although originating in the 4th dimension, Acme Klein Bottles are immersed (not embedded) in 3 dimensions, using special techniques known to students of advanced topology. We strongly recommend that you do not attempt to evade the Pauli Exclusion Principle.

We construct our glass Acme Klein Bottles from materials which resist both oxidation and reduction. However, certain agents -- such as hydrofluoric acid and potassium hydroxide -- may etch the surface of your borosilicate manifold. For best results, avoid doing stupid things.

What with the decay of protons, Acme recognizes that our products have a finite lifetime and may not outlast your physical universe. If your application demands constant uninterrupted ceaseless unremitting everlasting endless eternal persistent perpetual permanent existence, please contact a qualified quantum mechanic.

A Klein Bottle has zero volume, so we suggest that you do not use it as a personal flotation device. No user-serviceable parts inside.

 ACME KLEIN BOTTLE - Where there's one side to every problem

Return to Acme's Home Page | See a Baker's Dozen Klein Bottles page last modified March 24, 2014