A KLEIN BOTTLE HAT?
Yes!
Snuggle your head -- and everything within it -- inside a warm wool Klein Bottle Hat.
scroll down and also see Mobius Loop Scarves!
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Pop an Acme Klein Bottle on your head!
It's ideal for skiing, sleigh-rides, snowball fights, midwinter colloquia, Antarctic beach parties, and alpine chess tournaments. A perfect gift for anyone with a zero-volume head. An important accessory to the one-sided mind. An essential headwarmer for your non-orientable friends who are temporarily immersed in our 3-dimensions.
This Klein Bottle is a hand knitted hat, so it's seamless and perfectly contoured. It's constructed of knit-purl-knit-purl, so the "outside" has the same pattern as the "inside". One sided? You betcha! (Purl is not to be confused with the computer language Perl, which shouldn't be confused with the oyster generated pearls)
Your Klein Bottle Hat is made of a scientifically balanced mix of 85 percent wool delicately shorn from contented Midwestern lambs, then blended with carefully selected 15 percent Mohair from grinning Angora goats in Texas (Goats have a lot to grin about in Texas). The special blend (called "Lamb's Pride" yarn) is spun and dyed in western Nebraska by Brown Sheep Company, yarn-makers of high repute.
Each Acme Klein Bottle Hat is lovingly hand knit by a team of professional knitters, who spend their winter evenings carefully constructing these manifolds using time proven 4-needle and circular needle techniques. Acme's dedicated knitters include several smiling grandmothers, a former librarian, a nurse, and a schoolteacher. Not one of them has studied orthogonal polynomials.
These hats are sized for regular-sized heads. But you needn't worry if you have an especially big brain: the special weave stretches to fit any size human.
Acme Klein Bottle hats do not self-intersect. This lets you turn your hat inside out, by sliding the hat inside of itself. (This transformation requires a bit of care, but works well.) In this quick cross section, notice that the loop goes right through the outer shell, without any stitching. It slides through itself!
Also available with matching Moebius Scarves - see below
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| Cross section of Acme's Knit Klein Bottle Hat |
Warm in the winter? Yes, indeed! They may be single-sided but they're double-walled, so your head enjoys twice the insulation of a standard ski-hat. There's two layers of wool between your head and that cruel winter wind. Works down to minus 40 degrees (F or C, your choice) !
Exclusive features of your Acme's Klein Bottle Hat:
- Available in universally attractive color combinations - specially chosen to be visible during daylight.
- Genus 1 ... so there's exactly one topological hole. You can secure this hat with a Kryptonite Lock. Other hats, being genus zero, can't be locked.
- Stretchable ribbing allows this Klein Bottle hat to fit all sizes of heads. Keeps your ears warm, too!
- Unscientifically tested at Acme's Winter Proving Grounds in Buffalo, New York.
- Easy to clean, as you need only wash one side.
- Zero topological volume ... fits in your pocket when not in use.
- Reversible! You can wear it with the loop pointing forwards, backwards, sidewards, or even downwards. Astonish the skeptics.
- Built in handle for enhanced portability - you can carry it on your head or hold it in your hand.
- Weighs less than 145 grams (5.2 ounces) -- lighter on your head than a Canadian Goose.
- You can turn this hat inside-out, although it's kinda difficult to squeeze the bottom through the narrow loop.
- Unbreakable in normal use. Won't fracture, even if dropped onto a concrete floor. Works indoors and out!
- Perfectly flexible, just as semi-metric topological manifolds oughta be.
- Conserve scarce energy - wear one of these and turn off your furnace.
- Featured (with a photograph) in the 29 December 2001 issue of New Scientist
- Wrinkle resistant. Unlike people, wool sheds wrinkles and returns to its natural shape after a day's rest.
- Protected by Acme's Unconditional Guarantee
- Covered by Acme's Lifetime Guarantee: We guarantee that you will live your entire lifetime.
Handwash in cool water, using a natural fiber shampoo. Don't use harsh detergents, bleach, or fuming nitric acid. Pat dry between towels - don't machine wash and don't machine dry. Never needs ironing, which is a good thing, considering that few mathematicians own irons (ever notice the rumpled suits at colloquia?).
Imagine the brilliant ideas you'll enjoy after wrapping a genuine Acme Klein Bottle around your brain -- one of the most useful parts of your body.
Join the ranks of well-dressed topologists by clicking on the button below...
--> ONE SIDE FITS ALL <--
A hand-knit Klein Bottle hat costs only $40 ... Cheap at half the price!
Scroll down to see Klein Bottle Hats with matching Mobius Scarves...
No two hats are alike - these are handmade by knitters who cannot make two identical hats. Because each one is handmade, there is ONLY ONE OF EACH STYLE! Don't order two of a style, because I only have one that I can send you. And if a style isn't shown below, then it no longer exists (for instance, up at the top of this page there are a couple hats with my head inside of 'em ... these no longer exist).
Click on a picture to enlarge. Note that my mannequin model is small, so the hats look like they're too big.
Below: KLEIN BOTTLE HATS - $40 each (click on photo to enlarge)
 Klein Bottle Hat 1008 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1009 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 1011 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1013 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1014 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1015 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1018 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 1020 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1023 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 1025 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1026 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1029 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1032 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1034 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 1035 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1036 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1037 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1039 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1042 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 1043 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 901 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 909 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 920 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 927 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 928 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 966 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 970 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 971 |
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 Klein Bottle Hat 974 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 988 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 992 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 993 |
 Klein Bottle Hat 994 |
After you order, click to see your order. When you're done, Click here to check out.
SPECIAL! Klein Bottle Hat with a matching Mobius Scarf ... only $50
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SPECIAL OFFER Klein Bottle Hat and matching Moebius Scarf, woolen, hand knit, White - Red - Orange, only $50 (Several in stock - enough for your whole family) |
After you order, click to see your order. When you're done, Click here to check out.