How to order an Acme Klein Bottle

If I receive your order before 3 PM Pacific time on a weekday, I will send it out the same day. Otherwise, it goes out the next day. (UPS picks up in my neighborhood M-F around 4PM).

SHIPPING DETAILS

I prefer to ship via US Post. In the USA, I will ship via First Class or Priority Mail, which is typically 2 or 3 days to reach most places.

Alternatively, I can ship via UPS Ground; you can expect 1 to 6 business-day delivery via UPS Ground -- faster on the west coast. UPS Ground shipments reach Florida in 5 business days, and San Francisco/Silicon Valley overnight. UPS has significantly increased their rates, so you'll notice that I charge much less to ship via mail.

I can also ship via UPS overnight, Priority Mail, Express Mail, or FedEx. Hey, if you live around Berkeley, I can bicycle over.

Generally, I do as you request, but sometimes I'll change things to save time or money..

Shipping costs depend on weight. A boxed Baby or Medium Klein Bottle weighs less than a pound. The bigger Klein Bottles weigh between a pound and two pounds (boxed weights includes the Klein Bottle, box, literature, bubblewrap & peanuts)

• Packing & shipping in USA (via Priority Mail or UPS Ground)
• about $6 to $8 to ship the first klein bottle.
• About $1 to ship each additional pound. Additional Baby Kleinbottles usually are free.
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• Packing & shipping in USA (via UPS 3-day service)
• This has become more expensive due to the UPS "dimensional weight" being imposed on small boxes. Grrr...
• about $14 to ship the first klein bottle.
• About $1 to ship each additional pound.
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• Packing & shipping in USA (via UPS 2-day service)
• This has become more expensive due to the UPS "dimensional weight" being imposed on small boxes. Grrr...
• about $22 to ship the first klein bottle.
• About $3 to ship each additional pound.
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• Packing & shipping in USA (via UPS Overnight)
• About $34 to ship the first klein bottle.
• About $3 to ship each additional pound.
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• Packing & shipping to Canada & Mexico (via Postal Airmail - about a week )
• $7 to ship the first Klein Bottle.
• About $2 to ship each additional pound. 
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• Packing & shipping to Canada & Mexico (via Express Mail - about 2 to 4 days)
• $20 to ship the first pound of Klein Bottles
• About $1 to ship each additional pound.
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• Packing & shipping to Europe, & South America (via Postal Airmail - about 7 to 10 days )
• $11 to ship the first pound (one baby Klein Bottle)
• $13 to ship the first 2 pounds (one big Klein Bottle)
• $4 to ship additional pound
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• Packing & shipping to Europe, & South America (via Express Mail - about 3 to 6 days)
• About to $30 to ship the first pound (I know its not metric, Americans have to deal with stupidity like ounces and pounds)
• $4 to ship additional pounds
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• Packing & shipping across the Pacific (via Postal Airmail - about 7 to 14 days )
• $13 to ship the first pound
• $4 to ship each additional pound
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• Other planets, please add $1 billion.
• Other stellar systems, please add $1 trillion.
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• So 1 baby Klein Bottle costs $6 to reach Buffalo; $7 to Montreal, $11 to Munich, $13 to Sydney, $1,000,000,013 to reach Valles Marineris, and $1,000,000,000,013 to get to the Andromeda Galaxy.

More shipping details:

• Standard US shipping is US Post, Priority Mail from Oakland, California.
• If you wish UPS Ground, overnight to northern California; 2 days to Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, Salt Lake City. 3 days to Colorado. 4 days to Texas, Minnesota, and Chicago. 5 days to Buffalo, Columbus, and Tennesee. 6 Days for Boston, New York, DC, Florida, and anyplace where milkshakes are called Frappes.Here's a map of expected UPS ground delivery times from my place in Oakland California..
• All domestic shipments are insured. Moreover, if your manifold gets lost or is broken in transit, call me and I will immediately send a replacement.
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• If this is a gift and is being shipped to someone else... Please tell me, so I don't pack an invoice or price list in the box. I'm sorry but I can't giftwrap -- I don't have any special boxes. I will scribble "Happy Birthday" (or whatever) on the outside. If this is a gift but it's being sent to you then don't say a thing -- unpack the box, discard the invoice, and give the Klein Bottle to your friend.
• ABD grad students -- tell me your dissertation topic and receive a 1% discount.
• When ordering, please specify the number of spatial dimensions in your universe.
• Californians enjoy paying for our Bay Area Rapid Transit by adding 8% sales tax. You may also be required to include a 5-cent California Bottle Deposit. Return your Klein Bottle clean and empty, and we will refund your deposit.
• Included with your Klein Bottle is an inspection report/guarantee, operating instructions, calibraton decal, and some random useless information.
• Oddly, our zero-volume bottles require shipping boxes of positive volume. To fill the empty space, Acme usually uses "eco-fill" packing peanuts, made from puffed corn. To get rid of 'em, just toss them on your lawn and squirt with a hose. Or put 'em in a sink under running water. Unlike our manifolds, the packing peanuts dissolve in seconds. (sometimes I use green plastic peanuts. These don't dissolve in water, but will dissolve in an ocean of acetone)
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• Overseas: I normally ship by airmail. Lately, I find it takes anywhere from 5 to 15 days to reach Europe. One box sent Jan 28,2000 arrived in Reading England on Feb 7th. A Klein Bottle sent via airmail to Stuttgart on Nov 13th, 2001 arrived on Nov 19th. A box sent to Germany on Feb 6, 2004 took only 4 days. A Klein Bottle to Paris arrivived in 6 days in October 2006. Australia typically takes 4 to 8 days, but much depends on the vagaries of the postal service and customs. Unfortunately, ordinary airmail does not have electronic tracking.
• Overseas Express Mail: I've sent many manifolds to Europe via International Express Mail. It's works great: 4 business days to get from here to Stockholm or London, with full tracking over the web.
• Overseas Courier: 2-day delivery to most of Europe, Japan, and Australia. (UPS Worldwide Expedited) Very expensive - about USD$120.
• Our bank, alas, only knows about US dollars.

I accept Checks, Cash, Visa/Master/Discover/American Express Cards, PayPal, Google Checkout, purchase orders, gold bullion, barter, whatever. If it makes any difference, I'm PayPal Verified.

Have something to trade? I'm always happy to barter Klein Bottles for intereresting things! How about a slide rule, Teletype, mechanical calculator, or an IBM Keypunch?

Order Online (preferred) - I have a secure server with shopping cart service. At the bottom of my Klein Bottle web pages are buttons which take you to the server. This is the best way to order - fewest missteakes.

The e-commerce system securely gives me your order info -- it does not immediately process your credit card, nor does it make a mailing label. When I log in, I will read over the order, box up the Klein Bottle, paste your address into a shipping label, and send the credit card info to the processor (Authorize.net). After I do this, I will confirm your order by emailing you a note with the tracking number and other details of the shipment.

Order by e-mail: kleinbottle(at)kleinbottle (dawtd) com. Include the usual ordering information. Yes, I'm happy to accept credit cards over e-mail. Just include the card number & expiration date. I will confirm your order via e-mail, ship the same day, and will e-mail the UPS or Fedex tracking number. In the subject line, it's helpful if you say, "Klein Bottle Order" ... that way, I'll read your message ahead of the daily spam.

After I receive your e-mail, I will send a message back to you. If you don't hear from me within a day, then please call to confirm that everything's OK. Phone +1 510 654 3958.

Given the choice, it's easier for me to process your order through my ecommerce server rather than email -- the ecommerce server is less trouble for me, and fewer mistakes get made.

Order by Mail:

Acme Klein Bottles

6270 Colby Street

Oakland, California 94618-1283 USA

(please include your e-mail & phone number so I can send you the tracking number)

Order By Fax: You can send a fax to me +1 Eight One Five Three Zero One Three Four One One.

Order by Phone: +1 510 654 3958. You'll reach me, Cliff. Since this is a one-person part-time business, I often can't get to the phone, so you may reach my trusty answering machine. And, since hardly anyone calls for topology stuff, my message doesn't mention Acme Klein Bottles. Leave the usual order info, and please include a phone number and email address. Given the choice, please order via the e-commerce server; I make fewer mistakes!

Buy a Klein Bottle in person - If you're in the San Francisco Bay area, stop by! You can visit the The Acme Klein Bottle Emporium, The Acme Topological Research Laboratories, and The Amalgamated Acme Fish Pond. While I don't make glassware at my house, you can see our newest designs and meet the flounder of our company, Ackmee A. Aacme. We are just a few minutes south of the University of California/Berkeley, close to Rockridge BART, and downhill from the Mathematical Sciences Research Institute. (Of course, 'most everywhere in Oakland is downhill from MSRI, seeing how it's on top of a mountain) Call ahead, to make sure that someone's awake. Lately, my wife has asked that I limit late afternoon & evening visits.

YOUR MONEY BACK IF NOT SATISFIED!

(however, I suspect that we will be quite satisfied with your money)

For more details on our money back guarantee, click here.

6270 Colby St. Oakland, CA 94618 phone +1 510 654 3958 kleinbottle(at)kleinbottle /D.ot/ com

Acme Klein Bottle is operated by Amalgamated-Acme-Aardvark of America, a sub-phylum of Nocturnal Aviation. Somehow associated with Cliff Stoll, a man of many manifolds. I last updated this page on June 19, 2007